Saturday, August 2, 2008

Real solutions for real problems

Exxon Mobil, as has been well-chronicled, just had the largest quarterly profit ever recorded, $11.68 billion. Now you'll probably think that I'll come up with some criticism of this, maybe deconstruct the self-serving comments of company spokespeople who insist that they need "the profits to search for more oil and gas," and Congress needs to get on board with their needs. I could do this, but a lot of other people have already pointed out the remarkable coincidence that high prices and high profits seem to go hand in hand, that the consumers are bearing the pain while the corporate executives are lining up higher salaries and bonuses for themselves.

At the same time, General Motors has seen a massive loss of $15.5 billion, most of which comes from the troublesome North America market. There is the usual litany of reasons, none of them attributable to really lousy management, of course. But I won't kick a great American company while it's down.

Instead, today I offer a solution - the merger of Exxon Mobil with GM. You'd still have a loss, but it would be a lot less. The laid-off auto workers could be sent to work in the new oil fields and platforms. Exxon, with its enviable commitment to R&D, could lend some of that entrepreneurial energy to GM. And imagine the new incentive programs. Throw in 50 fill-ups with a purchase of a new car, all at Mobil stations. Great synergy.

And best of all, I present this idea at the same time that I promise to undercut any investment banking merger and acquisition fee, I only want 0.5% of the value of the merger.


Citizen Carrie said...

Oh great, Androcass. And deprive the state of Michigan of all of those workers needed to fill our New Economy jobs? (Not to mention all of the open phlebotomist positions at our hospitals.)

Greg said...

Ah yes, a "modest proposal"...

Androcass said...

CC - No, it will be great for you Michiganders (are female Michiganders Michigeese?). Imagine, if you will, walking out into your yard and, as far as the eye can see, oil rig after oil rig, punctuated only by T. Boone Pickens' windmills? It will be downright beautiful - and the sounds, the pumping and the turning. Expect tourism to increase as well, and Michigan will experience a boom time.

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