Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A new world view

Readers, I've had a revelation, perhaps due to the holidays, perhaps just good common sense finally creeping into my brain. After years of thinking a certain way, I've decided I need to look at things differently, and I feel good about that. Let me share.

I'm no longer going to look at the world around me and see whether the system we have is bringing about favorable outcomes. Nope, it's all about me now. If I'm doing well, then I don't really want to hear about how others aren't doing well; I'll just call them losers and crybabies and wave them away as full of anger, and I can dismiss any anger as beneath my notice.

After all, if someone like me can do well, command a contract job at an important company, then anyone should be able to, right? If they can't, well then, too bad. But what I'll also do is feign indifference to my personal outcome, because that makes me look superior, above it all, which of course I am. I was proud and happy when I delivered pizza a few years ago, and I'll be proud and happy when I have to do it again (at least that's what I'll say...). Not for me the loser stance of complaining or whining when management decides to send my job overseas; those folks deserve it, and more power to them. Now, did you have the cheesy bread?

This Internet thing is tailor-made for me, because now I can enlighten all sorts of people about my views, let them have a glimpse of my superiority. I won't waste my time actually reading the posts on which I comment, that would indicate that I think "those people's" posts are worth reading. No, I'll just pretend to read them, create a post in my head that is probably what they would have written, then I'll make my comments.

For example, if I read a post like this one, in which some bozo contends that there might be some problem with a system that doesn't put experienced people to work at something close to their proven potential, I'll just do my usual assertion that pizza delivery is a noble profession, then say that credentials don't guarantee outcomes. That the original post didn't say they should will be of no consequence to me; again, I wouldn't sully myself by actually reading it.

You see, expertise is meaningless, it's all about hustling to make that buck, in whatever way possible. If I were to lose my professional job, it wouldn't represent a loss to society if I was schlepping boxes around a warehouse. Oh, I've proven I can do more, but hey, the market tells me I'm worth minimum wage, who am I to disagree? Only hopeless losers would see this as a waste.

You may ask, since you're so busy giving advice to the great unenlightened out there, what would you tell the children? I should think that's obvious by this time.

Kids, stuff just happens, and you gotta ride that tide, go with the flow. Sometimes someone will look at you, see how great you are, and anoint you as...a pizza delivery guy. Reach for the stars, kids, and you can get sub-minimum wage plus tips. An education, credentials, experience: those are for people who believe that they should matter, that a system which takes people at 54, or 50, or 45, and tosses them on the ashheap is just fine. Don't waste your time with all that. Also, never actually engage in a discussion with anyone, it's far more fun not to listen to their squawking and to repeat the same things again and again. Oh, and if you have a chance, belittle them whenever possible, that will really prove just how superior you are, because there's nothing that brings people around faster than when the pizza delivery guy shares with you his philosophy of life.

So, readers, I hope you like the change in attitude I'm bringing. Don't expect me to show concern about our poor school systems - after all, if the kids don't like their school, they're free to move somewhere else, so they should quit whining. The economy? Nope, I don't see any problems with it, because I'm doing just fine, thank you.

But, you know, even if you don't like it, I don't care, because I'm just going to keep repeating the same things over and over. Perhaps one day you too will become enlightened and realize just how special I am.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You've really topped yourself here. What outrageous mischaracterizations!

As I said before: My theory why you don't have more readers is that there's occasionally a layer of sarcasm and underhandedness to your prose, that often does taint your analysis, while a vast blogosphere of economics blogs find some success moving past it. Expressing your feelings is good and useful, but I don't think you've quite reached them, not with this degree of passive-aggression, bizarre rage and mischaracterization still flying. No names, right? Instead, sarcastic misattribution of views to self as a means to expand falsely into outrageous theses. There's nothing that brings people around faster than these techniques! Or is there?

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